E Speaks Out Part 4

When I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder I was both upset and relieved. Relieved, maybe even a little happy, that I finally had an answer. I had a name for the terrible lows and the devastating highs. Upset because there I was at sixteen slapped with a label and the confirmation of a lifelong illness. I would never again be ‘healthy’. And because bipolar is a mental illness there is a stigma: I’m now crazy, insane, wacko, mental, cuckoo, mad, nuts, of unsound mind, psycho, screwy and more. Except that I’m not. I have goals and dreams…



I would like to be a child psychiatrist. I plan to focus on children because I love them and work well with them. As for the field, I feel I will be right for the job. I enjoy perusing books dealing with psychology and mental illness. Because I suffer from bipolar disorder myself, I feel I will be able to empathize with my patients.


I plan to go to college to study psychology and pre-medicine to prepare myself for medical school and a career dealing with psychological disorders in children and teens.


As a baby I was diagnosed with infantile spasms, a rare and serious form of epilepsy. Because of my parents I was able to get past the seizures with the help of a ketogenic diet and avoided the typical terrible outcome of mental retardation and physical limitations and have since developed normally.

Who would have thought I’d have more health issues to deal with? I use writing as therapy and wrote this poem the first time I was hospitalized at sixteen for bipolar disorder:

Can’t stand it anymore, no/ Gonna kill myself and so/ Into hospital I will go.

Can’t have shoelaces, no/ They’re afraid I might choke myself, so/ Into Community Restriction I go.

Can’t stop cutting, no/ I’m not coping, so/ Into therapy I will go.

Can’t stay out of the hospital, no/‘Cause my brain is messed up, so/ To take my new meds I go.

Can’t control myself, no/ My mind is racing, so/ Into the hospital I will go.

That poem was the beginning of a journey toward acceptance.

I was sixteen and simultaneously diagnosed with basilar migraines and bipolar disorder. With the help of my parents, my school and my friends I learned to manage the two conditions. School had been a problem for me before the diagnosis, as my behavior made it difficult to get work done or sit in class. With medication, acceptance and therapy, I am graduating on time. I have overcome the obstacle of three serious illnesses. I am armed with knowledge about the diseases and a will to take things day by day and look toward the future.


To prepare for education in college and hopefully later in medical school, I have worked hard for my grades and take school seriously. Because I love reading books on psychology, I have developed a good base knowledge. Beyond that, I love to read books of every nature and have a good foundation of general knowledge that will help me in college courses.


I realize that I must find a way to continue treatment throughout college and life. I plan to do so by taking my medication, continuing therapy. I will minimize stress as much as possible and rely on my support system of doctors, family and friends.

Crazy? Not me! Just a girl with bipolar looking to the future.